Never Look Back
by SouthernBumpkin
Summary: Repost of post 5x24 fic after it was deleted.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a repost after it was deleted. One of my readers sent this to me, but it's still incomplete and I don't have the last chapter in my computer anymore. So I hope this will do :)**

**Also, I didn't fix any of the mistakes and you will probably notice a lot of errors. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl**

She left without saying goodbye. They were done, she made her choice. Even worse, the blonde manipulated him and he hated himself for it. Once his father's heart was broken, he was done with the UES.

.  
He leaves with Georgina. They spend days in her penthouse discussing the UES. She gives him pages and pages of notes. It's frightening that she has this type of information.

"It's up to you now, don' t fuck it up." She grins while Dan is packing his things. He has everything he needs. "I always had a soft spot for you." She states smiling to herself. "You'll get through this."

He can't believe it. Georgina's comforting him. Maybe everything will be fine.

.  
He asks his publisher for a secluded place to write. He requests it be far away from New York.

.

He moves into a cabin at Redwood National Park. It's his first time in California. He's always wanted to visit. He read about these woods. They're known for their tall trees. He's shaken by the size of the trees. When he looks up, it's like they never end. It seems unreal.

No phone, no TV, just writing. He hasn't spoken to anyone in weeks. His hair is a mess, at least he doesn't have to hear about it anymore.

There's 250 missed calls and 80 voicemails. It still cracks him up how persistent she is. Rufus tries to reach him, so he makes a new email account, one which only his father knows because he's never looking back.  
He still can't get her out of his head. He can smell her, feel her chestnut hair on the tips of his fingers, it's real, but it's just a dream, he wakes up. They were soul mates. It's a fact he thinks. He tries to forget, to move on, but he can't when he writes. She's there, in his words, he hates writing now.

.  
It's finished. His agent loves it, she thinks it's going to stir the pot but that's good, it will lead to more publicity.  
His agent was right. The book is a huge success. The money is rolling in, but he knows it will stop eventually, he needs to write another book. But he's just tired of writing, it just makes him think of her. He has to invest it. There's only one person he knows that will know what to do with it.

"Humpty Humphrey," He knows Chuck smirking. "So is this your new number" He asks.

"Yea, but could you keep it to yourself," Dan asks

"Of course. So what do I owe the pleasure," Chuck asks

"I have some money lying around, I want to invest it, but I don't know what to do with it," Dan states

"Dan, your book ruined my father's reputation. So the least I could do is return the favor. Wire me the money and I'll give it to the best hedge fund managers I know." Chuck said.

He knew Chuck would help, but he was hesitant because he didn't want to talk about her. Eventually, Chuck tried to talk about her, but he would shut the idea down. He asked him not to speak of this conversation with anyone, and that was it.

.  
After months of touring, he's tired. He needs to find a home. He transfers to USC. Giving the money to Chuck was well worth it. He buys a home 2.2 million dollar condo/townhouse in Los Angeles. It has 3 beds and 3 baths, a pool and a gym. He wanted to live in a condo because he was tired of being secluded, and what better way to move on then meet beautiful women at the pool.

He never thought he would have this much money. He keeps investing and it keeps growing. The best thing about making profits on the investments is that it isn't taxed, there's a loop hole in the tax system. His income is now based on investments, so he doesn't pay income tax. It's difficult to admit, but he owes Bass. Chuck was the one to tell him about this loop hole.

.  
He's 22, single, parties at USC, meets new people, there are few girls here and there, but nothing serious. He misses being around people who knew him before Dan Humphrey the author. The one thing he learns about L.A. is that it's hard to find real genuine friends. So he reaches out to Olivia. They decide to meet for coffee

"Hey," Olivia yells excitedly. They hug, they look study each other appearance. She's with a friend. He recognizes her from somewhere. "This is Kelly," Olivia introduces them. Her blues eyes are sparkle against the rays of the sun, she's tan, blonde, and has full lips.

After conversing, he realizes that it's Kelly Shook the singer. "I'm a big fan," Dan smiles. They both can read him like a book. Why is it so easy to read him?

"You're lying," Olivia said

"Ok fine, but you have to admit I don't really fit the demographic you're aiming for with your songs." He smiles. She laughs. "My dad is actually a musician to, he's the lead singer of Lincoln Hawk."

Her eyes widen. "My mom loves them, she still has their cd's," Kelly smiles.

"Well, my dad will visit for my graduation so….."

"Yes, my mom would love to meet him," she interrupts.

They continue to converse. Olivia and him catch up while him and Kelly get to know each other better. Everything is going smoothly until Serena's name comes up. Olivia's been spending some time with Serena.

"She talks about you all the time. She told me what happened. You should talk to her, she's in a really bad place and really needs a friend right now." Olivia said. All Dan can do is nod

.  
He's bored, so he starts his own blog on book reviews. Vanity Fair calls and hires him to do some free-lance writing. He begins to write stories for literary review websites. In the end, he decides he wants to write another novel.

.  
Being a famous author had its perks. Like him actually having a shot with Kelly. He starts going night clubbing with Olivia and her friends, meets a lot of celebrities his age. He could probably write another bestseller from his experiences, but decides not to burn anymore bridges.

The best thing about being friends with Olivia is that he gets to spend time with Kelly. They start to see each other more and more and less and less with Olivia as the third wheel. They finally kiss, admit to their feelings and start dating.

.  
It's over, he has moved on. The first thing he does is call Nate.  
"I'm coming over," is all Nate says on the phone.

.  
He opens the door there's Nate smiling.

"Dude, Chuck wasn't joking," Nate said while studying Dan's condo. "And the girls…You've done well for yourself man."  
"Thanks," Dan said

They catch up. Nate decided to go to law school, no one has heard from Serena, Lily got divorced again, and apparently the book caused a lot of harm.

"So…Kelly Shook," Nate smiles causing Dan to shake his head.

"Yea, it's nice, there's no drama," Dan smiles

"I know you're happy, but she's pretty miserable." Nate said

"O, Serena, yea I know, Olivia told me," Dan replied

"No man, Blair." He knew her name would come up sometime. "They didn't even really date, it ended before it even started. She left him after that summer. I thought I'd let you know before things got too serious with Kelly." Nate said

"Nate, it's over, I moved on," Dan said sternly. Nate just nodded and her name wasn't brought up again.

.  
He's 24 now. It took him 2 years, but he finished the sequel to Inside. Critics love it and it's become a bestseller. Kelly's on tour, he's bored, he misses home. Its two days before Christmas. He packs a suitcase and leaves for New York.

.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the reviews, I love reading them. Keep them coming! I hope you enjoy this chapter**

**.****  
****Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl**

It's been a while. He unpacks at the loft. It's clear no one has been here for some time. He's invited to Lily Van der Woodsen's Christmas Eve party. Yes, his father has gotten back together with her. He gets a fair warning… Lily's still upset about the book.

.  
He walks into the Van Der Woodsen Penthouse living room. He spots Nate raising his drink, Lily's eyeing him, Serena appears frozen, Eric's drunk, Jenny is running towards him, and Rufus is smilingly warmly. Yes, he missed the holidays.

"Who are you dating," Dan asked. He knew there was a reason Archibald was here

"I'm here to see you," Nate smiles

"Is it Eric," Dan smirks

"Shut up…It's your sister okay, she was going to tell you tonight," Nate said. Dan nods. Good for her, she deserves a guy like Nate.

.  
It's the moment he's dreaded, but it was expected. He knew this day would come. Serena's staring at him from the corner of the room. She still glows, beautiful as ever. It's now or never.

"Yo," Dan said. Really, 'Yo', he's an idiot. Serena just laughs at his stupidity. "I'm sorry, I'm just nervous." Dan smiles

"I should be the one that's nervous," Serena says. It's been three years. He knows he's as much to blame. There are no needs for apologies, there past that.

"Do you live in New York now," He asks.

"Yea, I've been here for a year now," She says. Dan nods. "You know…I was alone, I mean you were in fucking L.A. Dan! "

"I know, I'm sorry Serena, I was hurt, and seeing you would remind me of the mistake I made. I know she wasn't perfect either, but it still wasn't right. Everything was just so fucked up you know," he explains.

She understands, better than he expected. Of course, it's been a crazy three years for her. She tells him about going rehab and attending Columbia again. She dated here and there, nothing serious though. It's nice to talk to her again, she's starting to become the Serena he wrote about in high school.

.  
It's like she's waiting for him. Her eyes are only on him, she won't look away. Blair Waldorf has entered the penthouse.

.

It's not a party without Chuck Bass. They catch up. He thanks his him again for being his financial advisor. They talk about Bart and how much he hates him. Chuck's eyeing Blair but she's keeps glancing over at him.

"I'm not giving up Humphrey," Chuck says

"Hasn't it been three years," Dan asks

"We're inevitable," Chuck answers. Wow, he still hasn't gotten over the inevitable bullshit. "I know we've become friends, but I'm not going to stand back and let you have her."

"She's all yours Chuck," He reassures him

.  
"Dan," she says softly. He recognizes Chanel No. 5 before he turns around.

"Hey," He smiles. "How've you been?"

"Good… I still work for my mom," She said

"Really, I always thought you wanted to separate yourself from your mother," Dan says surprisingly. She gives him a light smile and looks down.

"I read your book," she said

"What did you think, I expect honesty from you Waldorf," He smiles

"It was sad, you like to make Dylan suffer." She says

"I think….I think Claire was Dylan's soul mate, but Charlie was Claire's soul mate, when he died, a part of her died, so in the end, he couldn't give her what she needed." Dan said. Her eyes were studying his face, she looked unreadable and it was getting uncomfortable. "Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow at your mother's Christmas party."

He needs a drink

.  
Everything is more fun drunk. His dad plays the guitar while he sings in front of everyone. They laugh, poke fun at him. Thank god Kelly isn't here. Jenny can't stop talking about her new line. She's in love and happy. He finds Eric, they talk about their problems, relationships, and complain about the UES. Nate asks him to sleep over, he thinks it's a weird request. Eventually he gets slapped across the face by Lily. It was expected. He drinks more

.  
He's lying on a bed face up. He notices Serena and Blair sitting by his left and right side talking amongst themselves. It's uncomfortable, he doesn't know how he got here, he just wants to pass out. Somebody has her hands in his hair, it makes his eyes roll back.

"It's about time you got a haircut Humphrey," Blair says

He knew she couldn't resist

.  
He wakes up in Serena's bed. She's spooning him. His head is in swirls so he decides to go downstairs and get a batch of coffee.

"I saw my sister latched on to you," Eric smirks. Eric's reading the newspaper to keep up with financial news because he works as portfolio manager at Morgan Stanley.

"Yea, it sure was awkward," Dan replies. "At least we didn't have the usual holiday family drama."

"My mom slapped you last night," Eric points out

"Yea, but it's usually worse," Dan responds

"That is true…But we still have the Waldorf Christmas party tonight and then the Waldorf New Year's Eve ball." Eric reminds him

It was true, this was just only the beginning. He checked his phone and noticed a voicemail. It's Kelly. She's coming to New York for Christmas. She's excited to meet his family and will meet him at the loft. He can only hope for the best now, she had to meet his family eventually.

.  
It's been weeks since he's seen her. Kelly's arrives with a suitcase looking exhausted. They hug, make love, shower together, and get dressed. She doesn't mind the loft, like him, she grew up in a middle class home. One of his favorite things about Kelly is that she's comfortable in any social setting.

.  
It's bright, the Christmas tree is reaches the ceiling. Everyone is staring at him, he understands, he's burned many bridges. Dorota gives him a tight hug. God he misses Dorota, her love, her warmth. He made sure she received a Christmas present every year since he left.

He introduces Kelly to everyone. Lily holds her tongue. His father has met her already met her and said she's his favorite. Chuck flirts with her, he ends up getting champagne thrown at his face by the end of the night. Eleanor compliments her dress and tries to convince her to be spokeswoman of her new underwear collection. She looks at him, all he can do is shrug. Everyone knows Eleanor Waldorf doesn't take a day off.

He wants to show Kelly the view. Their hands are intertwined and they reach the Waldorf Balcony. It's freezing, but he knows she'll appreciate this view.

"Humphrey, you're not going to introduce me." Blair grins. "Blair Waldorf."

"Kelly Shook," Kelly introduces herself. "How do you guys know each other?"

"I'm Claire Carlyle." Blair states.

That sums it up. He doesn't know how she's going to take it. He knew this would always cause a roadblock in his relationships. Blair was smiling, enjoying Kelly put together the two books. She didn't know Claire was based on an actual person. All he could hope was Kelly's insecurities don't get the best of her.

.  
They reach the loft and he's badgered with questions. He reassures her that those feelings are gone now. She doesn't want to fight because she's leaving tomorrow. He kisses her in the right places to make it up to her.

.  
He decides to stay in New York for a while. Nate calls him and invites him to Chuck's. Chuck still lives in the empire, he still doesn't understand why there is a motorcycle at his place. Nate's packing a bong. He thinks what the hell.

"Do you remember the time we watched the Matrix," Chuck asked

"Yea," Dan laughs

"Who knew you were such a prune," Chuck says

"Wait, you guys smoked," Nate asks

"Yea and Chuck tried to throw these two girls at me," Dan answers

"You really were good for Blair," Chuck says

.  
He has lunch with Serena. They catch up, talk about the good old days. She eventually tells him about rehab and how Blair helped her recover. He finds out Blair knows about them having sex. He's relieved he doesn't have to tell her. She tells him about having sex with people in random places, doing drugs he never knew existed, and how she wiped through her entire trust fund. Her mother found her in a homeless shelter. He notices that they know so much about each other, they can share anything with each other. He realizes that she will always have a place in his heart, he will always love her because no one has loved him the way Serena has.

He reaches out for her hand across the table.

"Serena, I'm so sorry, I promise, I will never turn my back on you again, you can talk to me about anything." Dan says.

Serena smiles and nods. He can notice she is trying to hold back tears

.  
His phone rings while watching TV in the loft. Blair's name comes across the phone screen.

.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey guys, this chapter is more mature, just a heads up. Also, thank you for the reviews, they make my day.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl**

"Hello," Dan answers

"Hey…What are you doing right now" Blair asks

"Are you actually asking me what I'm doing," Dan smirks. "I see you've learned some phone manners since I left."

"Shut up Humphrey," He can feel her eyes roll. "Serena told me you had lunch with her."

"There's no reason to be jealous Blair, it was just lunch."

"I'm not jealous…..okay, maybe a little, but what do you expect, you don't answer my phone calls, you've been ignoring me at social events…Dan, I miss you, you were my best friend, and that spot hasn't been replaced since you left." Blair says

"Call Serena"

"Dan," Blair says softly. Her voice sends shivers down his spine.

"I have to go,"

"Don't…Don't do that…please."

She said please and he wanted to cave, if he continued to talk to her, it was over. This phone conversation had to end before it was too late.

"Bye," He says and hangs up

Fuck

.  
He gets a call from Alessandra informing him about Summit Entertainment being interested in buying the rights to Inside and its sequel. He usually says no, but this time the money is too large to turn down.

.  
He meets Nate and Eric at a bar. Both him and Eric decide it would be fun to get Archibald plastered. They learn that this was a decision they would regret. Once they leave the bar, they have to help Nate get back to the loft and that's when it starts.

"Guys…I think I fucked up," Nate says drunkenly. Eric and Dan look at each other, they both know some secrets are about to spill. "I'm starting to have feelings for Serena again."

That wasn't the only secret Nate shared. Apparently Jenny told Kelly about how things ended with Blair. She wants them to break up so he can get back together with Blair. Nate also reveals he had sex with Georgina in a bathroom of some UES party two years ago. And if that wasn't shocking enough, Nate admits he doesn't like bacon.

.  
He's at the Van der Woodsen penthouse for family game night. It's filled with drama. Jenny leaves crying. Nate apologizes to him. Lily and Eric's new boyfriend aren't getting along. He doesn't understand why Blair is here. Serena admits there's no chance of her and Nate happening. Later, he catches them making out in kitchen.

He decides he needs some alone time, so he goes to his old room. He always wished he had a chance to use the room more, but the loft was more private.

She's there, studying the room

"Hey."

She turns around, a warm smile forms. "You hung up on me." She says. "I don't understand why you're making it so difficult for us to be friends?"

"Is that all you want," Dan asks

"Of course, if you forgot I chose Chuck," Blair replies.

Here it is, the Blair Waldorf defense mechanism, he knew she would later regret this, but it still hurt, so much that he was having trouble breathing. He didn't know it could still hurt so much. She chose Chuck, she left him just like everyone else has.

"Yea, that worked out great," He replies while gritting his teeth.

Her eyes become vulnerable and he starting to soften

"I'm sure we'll be fine, we always find our way back." She's not backing down

"I thought you would've grown up by now, but you're the same. I get it Blair, I didn't mean anything to you. I was just a toy, you played with me until you got tired and that's fine, I'm over it."

"You're finally getting it." It's hard to understand how she can be so cruel. He thought they connected while they were dating, he still felt it, but it's clear he was wrong.

She is looking at him directly in the eyes, not fidgeting, appearing stone cold.

"Once I became a part of the Upper eastside… I expected to get hurt, betrayed. I knew there would never be anyone I could fully really trust, even Serena. But then… I started to talk to this breathtaking brunette, she was different. She always protected the people she cared about"

He smiles as past memories wash over him. "I saw what she did for this guy who never deserved her, she gave him everything, her whole heart, she would do anything for him. There is nothing like Blair Waldorf being in love with you…So even though I knew there was a good chance you would go back to Chuck, it was worth the risk, because there is nothing greater than your love."

Her eyes soften, her lips quiver. Her wall is breaking and it looks like the Blair he was talking with on the phone is back. "You Bitch!" Jenny screams from downstairs. They hear a plate shatter.

Dan runs downstairs to see Jenny being tightly held by Rufus as she tries to attack Serena.

"Fuck you you fucking slut!" Jenny screams. She's clawing but isn't able to get to Serena because Rufus is holding her back. Serena is crying standing behind Nate. "You did it to Blair twice and now me, are you really that desperate for attention."  
Serena leaves the penthouse in tears while Rufus tries to calm Jenny down.

Dan looks glances over to Eric

"Welcome home," Eric says

.  
"What are you doing" Dan says as him and Nate are standing in the kitchen of the Van Der Woodsen penthouse.

"I know what I did to your sisters was wrong, but it's Serena man."

"Nate, don't do this. You're going to get hurt, she doesn't feel the way you do."

"I think she's the one that got away,"

"You're just another fling to her, she'll dump you once she's bored." Nate looks hurt and it makes him feel guilty for being so honest. "It won't last, she'll crush you."

"I've already broken up with Jenny, I can't go back."

"This isn't about Jenny."

"I need a favor….I left my wallet at Blair's, could you get it, I need to talk to Jenny and Serena. You know, to sort things out, but I'll meet you at the loft later."

He hates the idea of being alone with Blair, but he still nods.

.  
It's been a while since they've been alone. Her perfume consumes the elevator. Its winter, yet beads of sweat are forming on his forehead. Her dress is killing him, her cleavage is so unnecessary. He knows she can read him. It leads to her lips curving slightly. He knows she's close to forming her famous devilish smile. But she surprises him and bites her lower lip and it's starting to eat him inside. It's like she's slowly wearing him down with her eyes and her lips on purpose. Who wears a dress to family game night? He can't stop thinking about what it was like to have sex with her.

"Fuck it", He thinks

He launches towards her and presses his lips against hers. She kisses him back with need and desire. Her kisses are telling him she's been waiting for this. He presses her against the elevator wall. She puts her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist while their tongues are fighting with each other. He can't pull back, he doesn't need oxygen, he needs her.

The elevator door opens, they continue to kiss. He can't take her upstairs, he wants her now. He presses her against the wall of her foyer. They pull back panting.

"Con…condom," he stutters breathless.

"I want to feel all of you inside me," She whispers panting

That's all she has to say. He rips her silk panties off and thrusts inside her. She tightens her legs around his waist to get him as deep as he can. He's thrusting, harder and faster. She's moaning with every thrust.

"I miss you," She whispers in his ear which only makes him go harder. "I dream about this, I've waited and waited," She continues to whisper in his ears. He doesn't know how long he can last. "Say it, I want to hear it, I need to hear it."

"I love you," He says staring into her dark eyes thrusting her against the wall. She screams with pleasure as she reaches her orgasm.

"I want you to come inside me," She says panting while staring into his eyes. He can't hold it any longer. He explodes inside her as she kisses his neck.

He finally lets her down. She starts to kiss him hard making sure he knows how much she wants him. Then she grabs his hair and pulls his head back, stares into his eyes and says, "I love you to." He's into deep now. "I realized I was in love with you after spending time with Chuck." She takes his hand and leads him upstairs

"I need to get Nate's wallet," He says

"O, it's in Serena's old room"

He stops in the middle of the stairs. It hits him, there's no future here. She left him, he cheated on her, she knew about Nate cheating on Jenny. Nothing's changed, he's back to the Upper East Side. All these people do is hurt him and his family. Blair will never change. He just ruined his future with Kelly, the girl he's in love with. She's always been there, it's has been the most stable relationship he has been in and Blair Waldorf has ruined it. He has ruined it.

"I have to go"

"What," Blair asks gripping his hand tighter

"Blair, this was a mistake, we have no future, you left me with only emails and phone calls."

"You make it seem like it was like some easy decision. Dan, I was torn between you two. Chuck and I had history, me and you were only beginning. I mean I was only 21."

"It doesn't make me feel any better" Dan says bitterly

"I left him for you and I waited for you, only you. I was here alone, thinking about you while you were with that Taylor Swift wannabe. I made a mistake, like you did with Serena, why can't you forgive me like I forgave you"

"I do, but what do you want now"

"You"

"Everything is too fucked up, I cheated on you with Serena because I didn't have faith in our relationship. I don't think I can ever trust you and you can't either. If we date, your friendship with Serena will be ruined," He starts to look down to avoid her eyes. "And I don't think I can give you my heart again, you crushed me, I don't trust you, I never will," He says

"You can't do this. You can't tell me you love me, how there's nothing better than my love and then leave me." Tears start rolling down Blair's cheek. "You gave me hope"

"Blair, Nate's been sleeping with Serena here. You say you love me, you haven't stop thinking about me, but I've been here for two weeks and you didn't even tell me. It just reminds me of our relationship, which was basically a lie, you loved him and didn't have the decency to tell me. Sometimes I feel like our relationship wasn't real."

"No… how could you think that," Blair sobs

"Blair," His hand cups her cheek. "I'm sorry, but it's over. We need to stay away from each other." He says softly, then leans in and kisses her forehead. "You truly were the love of my life, I don't think I will ever be as happy as I was with you." He whispers before leaving Blair to crumble on the stairs crying.

.  
Kelly's upset. He's that guy. She forgives him and wants to stay together, but he knows he doesn't deserve her love. They're finished.

.  
He's back where he began… Alone

.  
He calls Chuck. They both need to get over the same girl. Surprisingly, Chuck shows up at the loft with a bottle of scotch.  
"That's your solution, get hammered and forget it ever happened," He says

"What's wrong with forgetting," Chuck asks as he pours them a drink.

"It only last for a day, I'll remember tomorrow," Chuck hands him a glass

"Then drink again," Chuck smirks. He rolls his eyes. "Humphrey, as much I want Blair, I have to ask, why are you here," Chuck asks as he takes a seat

"She's my Chuck." Chuck raises an eyebrow. "I was always there for her, like she was always there for you. The relationship was about pleasing her. I mean out of all the years I've known her, what has she done for me? I mean she never even read my book. When Inside came out, I was at my lowest, I needed my best friend to support me. " He starts to smirk. "You were my only true friend at that point." Chuck chuckles

"I would still rather be you because in the end, she wants you, not me."

"You don't know the details of our relationship. When I told her I loved her, she was so cold about it, she didn't even say she needed time, it was like I never said it. She can say she loves me now, but she's never shown it. I'm not going to go back to her. She's not good for me."

Chuck understands his pain. Chuck was the one who was being strung around by Blair that whole year. She wanted to run away with him one moment, then she told him she wasn't in love with him.

.  
Chuck's tired of Bass Industries, he's tired of writing. They decide to go to Africa.

.

TBC


End file.
